Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline, vasopressin… this natural cocktail fills your veins with an undeniable delight, a mixture of all the good sensations that nobody can help but want more and more.
He may be old school, but Shakespeare remains the godfather of romance, and his only quote from " love is blind, and lovers cannot see »Resonates through time and cultures.
Shakespeare's timelessness is relevant in this context as we consider one of these behaviors: the Love bombing, or in French, the love bombardment.
But what is Love Bombing? How do I know if I am a victim of this phenomenon?
What is Love Bombing?
Take a moment to imagine Cupid on steroids, that cherubic personification of love throwing you sweet things, gifts, a generous being 24/24, being there for your every need and making sure you the knowledge !
It's a bombardment of love.
The term is believed to have been coined in the 1970s when religious cult leaders used love as a means of controlling worshipers, and the modernized meaning is very similar. This tactic extends from connections to cults, pimps and gangs. Accessibility to "love" through social media and dating apps has opened up a whole new market for people to turn love into a commodity for selfish ends rather than respecting it as a defining human characteristic.
« Love bombardment floods a person with adoration and attention to the point that it becomes overwhelming - Kerry McNelis, Founder of Women for One.
These manifestations of adoration and affection can also be a form of emotional manipulation that can easily turn into emotional abuse. It's only too late that you wake up one day to realize that all of a sudden you've entered an intense and serious relationship very quickly, but actually know the bare minimum about your partner. Once you've peeled the rose petals of adoration, gifts, and charm, all that seems to be left is a thorny stalk: who is this person and what have I gotten myself into ?!
What is a Love Bomber?
Narcissists are first-rate Love Bomber: they'll do everything in their power to get you hooked on them like a drug, for their own enjoyment and personal satisfaction, before bringing what you've become totally addicted to in its tracks. You are desperate for your next move, and they hold complete power over you, fulfilling their own unrelenting desire for power and worship.
Love Bomber always goes wrong. The suicide bomber "wins" by getting your addiction, and at that point, his true colors are revealed and the worst of his sides come to light.
It can be extremely difficult to tell the difference between the dizzying rush of a truly developing romance between two people, and the tactically over the top displays of a Love Bomber, but don't fall into paranoia imagining that your Prince Charming is in. reality maybe a Love Bomber. Instead, stay in touch with your gut feelings and keep these 10 telltale reasons for love bombing in mind.
The 10 signs that you are the victim of Love Bombing
He does not respect borders
Failure to respect basic limits (in the name of “love” of course…) is a first red sign of the Love Bomber. So if your new bae shows up without notifying you, or making plans with you without your consent, sometimes even bordering on the stalker, keep an eye out for him.
He blackmailed you emotionally
Love in your relationship is conditional: "I will love you and take care of you, but you have to do this for me first." Any form of guilt for reciprocating love is emotional manipulation, regardless of its disguise.
It isolates you from your other relationships
A Love Bomber wants your time and attention no matter what, and for him or her exclusively. One way to do this is to put a barrier between yourself and your other relationships. Their constant demands for your attention are an attempt at control. It's easier to hang on and keep you if they're all you've got.
Hot and cold relationship
The narcissistic aspect of a love bomber means that he wants to win you over, and one way to check that he “wins” is to see if you're still around after the cold spells, sometimes without him giving you any. news from him. Blowing hot and cold is another form of manipulation and a tactic to confirm that they're still pointing your finger and eye.
There are compliments and worship bombardment that's so sweetly sickening it feels like suffocating ! Words are cheap, so compliments are an easy way to express love, without actually proving anything tonight.
He controls you
Who you see, what you wear, what you do ... a Love Bomber may not seem to necessarily rule you, but their voluntary involvement is a serious intrusion on your freedom. As long as you say yes and obey, it's hard to see the extent of their hold on your life, but once you exercise your free will, a Love Bomber will often get mean and talk about their "love" for you. force you to comply with his wishes.
He needs a commitment
We may be cynical, but saying "I love you" at the start of a relationship isn't necessarily normal. How can you truly love someone after just a few weeks? "The only one", "my love", "never to have had feelings like that", all these manipulations are subtle to convince you that the stars have aligned and that you will never need anyone else. Unfortunately, if you are a victim of Love Bombing, these sweet words are by no means heartfelt and are only part of his tactic.
You cannot buy happiness and the same rule can be applied to love. Gifts alone aren't a sign of a Love Bombing, but when the giveaways go to excess, it's a sign that love is shady. You become indebted to your love bomber whether you like it or not, and that debt will have to be paid off. An "excessive" gift is a giant teddy bear instead of a normal size, expensive events for no reason, several bouquets of flowers when a single rose would suffice, in short, all that really means: "you don't see how I'm genius ?! ".
With our connected age, the ability to be in continuous contact tends to be abused by love bombers, as a way to keep tabs on you. Contact is used by "love bombers" in three main ways:
- to speed up the relationship by "getting to know each other" faster
- to have more control because they know what you are doing constantly
- to miss you if the contact stops
This third point is one aspect of the effect of the Love Bombing drug: you immediately notice an absence when there is normally regular contact.
You feel uncomfortable
Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, before you read this or not, trust your instincts and reassess your relationship. If you feel uncomfortable at any time because of your partner's behavior, it's a sure sign to check out if the relationship is more harmful than healthy. Love, romance, commitment… none of these things should stress you out or turn your stomach upside down.